Welcome! Please read this before looking around. Thank you.

GO TO MAIN BLOG BY CLICKING HERE

Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions/images of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

All images and content are Copyright © to ClinicallyClueless/CourageousSteps. All rights to the images and all content on this site and on all ClinicallyClueless/CourageousSteps materials belong exclusively to the artist/author. No use of any content, commercial or non-commercial is permitted without written consent from the author and artist.

Monday, December 1, 2008

"Pain of a Child Is Unheard"

Pain of a Child Is Unheard

Feelings held back from long ago
Pains through my heart like an arrow

Pretending was the key
That everything was okay with me

So much so, that I thought, I believed the lie
But, why did I always want to die

I was so young when I first became depressed
Too many major episodes I have to confess

Dissociation and numbness day by day
Conceding that it was never going to be my way

Confusion spins round and round
Hoping one day that I would be found

Wanting so much to be heard
Instead my words became awkward

Staying silent was the way for me
Deep inside to be heard was my plea

To feel such anguish from so many years
Yet, I still find it hard to find my tears

Felt overwhelmed, confusion, sadness, panic, & depression
My coping tools were repression and suppression

Defenses all tangled worked quite well
Until it came time for me to tell

Not wanting to admit that I wanted to be wanted
Yet, a deep longing to feel safe and be comforted

Feeling things now is so intense and painful
But, at least, now I am being truthful

Hurts so much that I want to die
But, it is something I don’t think I would try

The pain takes over my whole body
From my hair to my toes, I feel achy

Emptiness envelops my whole being
Makes reality hard to keep seeing

Next comes feeling hollow
Terrified that it will swallow

Then, comes the feeling that “I don’t exist”
I’m terrified that I will get missed

Lord, I know you brought me to this place
My feelings and thoughts I have to face

I just want to crawl into a corner and die
But, I know that I also want to continue to try

For healing is really what I seek
Which means the truth I have to speak

This means that I need to be me
It sounds so simple, but I just need to be



© 2008 ClinicallyClueless/CourageousSteps

6 comments:

Catatonic Kid said...

*Hugs* I know that need - to just be - only too well. I hope you get some moments of it soon. Even if it's only fleeting it does a lot of good because not much else can heal the sort of pain you've endured.

Clueless said...

CK,

The truth you speak. (In Yoda voice). Thank you.
*hugs*

Faith Hoffen said...

I know that feeling too. Recently I did something that I'm ashamed of. I though I was past self harm. But, unfortunately I became extremely overwhelmed again. My abuser actually came to my house. A few days ago, I cut myself. With blood streaming down my head, I really scared myself that I would do that. Nothing like that has happened for a long time. I really do need this blogging community for support. I'm not giving up. I am o.k. and I will get better. I want to be here for others struggling too.

Take care,
Faith

mile191 said...

i thank you for leading me to your place of healing. i will continue to read, you have quite a journey. you are not alone. i love this poem..and the part, thank you lord, for leading me...it said something along that. i liked that, the faith, you believe. that is nice. i hope you will not mind me reading.
♥ i am sorry for what you went through.

Clueless said...

@Oh, Faith what a traumatic experience. We need you here too.

@mile 191. Thank you.

Do both of you realize that ClinicallyClueless is the "real blog?" Almost everything here is published on Clueless first.

SHOOBIE HUNTER said...

I TOO WENT THOUGH A HORRIBLE LIFE OF ABUSE FROM BIRTH..UNTIL ALMOST THE AGE OF 40..I AM FREE OF MOST OF IT NOW...IT IS HARD WORK TO FACE WHAT WAS...ALL I CAN SAY IT IS WORTH IT...PEACE LOVE AND LIGHT IS AWAITING YOU...KEEP ON WRITING PAINTING AND WHAT EVER ELSE YOU NEED TO DO TO GET THOUGH....MUCH LOVE