On Monday, February 1, 2010 my Grandma passed away. When she became ill, she lasted about two weeks.  Previously, she was spunky, silly, loving and full of life. Our entire family was with her when she passed away. It is quite difficult for anyone to understand my grief, for she helped to raise me and for several years, I lived with my grandparents. Sometimes, I get the feeling from others including my family that she was "only my grandmother." 

They left a great legacy.  Despite all of the in fighting and disagreements and people not speaking to each other, we all came together as a family.  We set aside our differences and grudges and focused on Grandma and supporting each other.  My grandparents formed us to "always" be a family in the tough times.

My heart feels like a part has been ripped out. I am sad, angry at her physician, and depressed.  My therapist told me to just let myself be whatever that may be in that moment instead of "shutting down" my feelings which just makes it worse. I have a difficult time doing this.

Dr. David Kessler, Grief and Loss Specialist for Tributes.com offers the best and the worst things to say to someone in this grief state :


The Worst Things to Say:


* At least she lived a long life, many people die young.
* He is in a better place.
* She brought this on herself.
* There is a reason for everything.
*Aren’t you over him yet? He has been dead for a while now.

My Additions: Things that I've heard or have been told.
*It is part of life.
*What did she die of?
*You have your memories of her.
*When was the last time you saw her?
*Were you close?
*At least she is not in pain anymore?
*It was good she went quickly, so she didn't suffer.
*Was she a Christian.
*She is with the Lord now.
*She is with your Grandpa now.
*I understand, when my __________, I___________.


The Best Things to Say:


* I am so sorry for your loss.
* I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
* I don’t know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway.
* You and your loved one will be in my thoughts.
* My favorite memory of _________ is _________

My additions:

*Listen to them talk.
*Allow them to laugh and cry.
*It is okay for you to cry also.
*Hug the person
*Send a sympathy card.
*Be there for them.
*Let them grieve in their own time...everyone grieves at different rates and may come up after a long while.
*Provide support or an outing on anniversary dates (i.e. holidays, her birthday, the date of her death, etc...
*Be specific with what type of help you want to give. i.e. grocery shop, make or take telephone calls, provide a meal at the date they specify, etc...

I love you Grandma and miss you!!!

Courage!!!

Do You Ever Feel Like I Do?

Tribute to my Father-in-law

I love you!! I will miss your love, smile and your tenderheart. Thank you for making me such a wonderful husband. He will remind me of you.

Still Learning to "BE" ~ Healing Journey

Accepting how scared and angry,
I was at being in the hospital for pneumonia
Is something I could not face.

Flashbacks and nightmares increasing
as the month went by all because

feeling out of control and helpless
it was something I could not embrace.

I’ve already talked enough about it,
the details and even wrote a letter.
But, I continued not to feel emotionally any better.

I lived in fantasy world with everything
twisted, just to survive.
Now, to live there continues to deprive.

This I learned to slowly die as my way of being
To “be” is what I need to do and
fight back the lies I’m slowly seeing.

The lies that tell me “Don’t talk,“
“I’m okay,” “I don’t need anyone” and “I’ll be just fine.”
The constant banter in my head is not benign.

Those and other lies lead to
self-injury and other self-destructive ways
For this therapy sometimes feels like a maze.

Therapy has saved and opened my life to who I really am
Someone that deserved much more than I received
And, too often instead I was betrayed and deceived.

Now, into the Father’s arms I securely belong
In Him and others, I finally find security and comfort
But, learning to do that for myself takes much effort.

Christ is Risen!!! Happy Easter!!!

God With Us ~ Happy Easter

7 Keys to make all your Relationships Richer & more Fulfiling!

Since I've been convalescing, I haven't had the energy to do much writing. This finally gave me the opportunity to share my friend, Arvind Devalia's 7 Keys to make all your Relationships Richer & more Fulfiling! I've provided an excerpt of the article. I've been wanting to share this with you.

Arvind's excellent blog is Make Things Happen: For Yourself and the World. Please go take a look at his blog...it will be worth it.

In the "About Arvind" section it states,

"Arvind brings his infectious passion for life and warmth for people to all his business and personal activities. His motto and message to everyone is “make things happen”.

Having just published his latest book “Personal Social Responsibility” (Sep 2008), Arvind is working with independent professionals, organisations and non-profits to bring a greater sense of ethics and Corporate Social Responsibility into the business world.

He is now also becoming established as a professional speaker and speaks passionately about how individuals and businesses can get what they want from life and at the same make a huge difference in the world.

He actively supports various social enterprises and charities – he has been involved with the Nirvana School in Pondicherry, south India for over 10 years now. "

"I delivered another public talk last week and it felt great to be amongst a group of motivated people making time in their busy lives for personal development. The theme was how to improve all your relationships and make them richer and more fulfilling.

It always amazes me how such evenings take their own shape despite detailed planning – it is almost as if destiny plays a part! As usual I feel that I was the one who learnt more from the evening.

I outlined my 3 Keys to GREAT relationships:-

1. Contribution
2. Connection
3. Completion

A key point that we discussed was how the ONLY thing you can ever give anyone else is your love and ACCEPTANCE.

It is incredible that human beings still believe that they can make someone else love them!

To end my talk, I summarised the key relationship learnings as below as a form of positive affirmations:-

1. I accept people totally and completely as they are and I allow others to be as they are. I know that they are perfect teachers for my journey of acceptance and understanding.

2. I look for opportunities to connect with, contribute and make a difference to another person at least once a day. This is what leads to true connection and fulfilment.

3. I am deeply grateful for all the people in my life who make my life so easy and rich. I show my appreciation at every possible opportunity.

4. I take nothing personally and accept that everyone is on their own journey of growth and learning. I forgive and let of any past grievances.

5. I look for the love and goodness in others for love is all that matters.

6. I bring more joy, happiness and love in my life and other people’s lives.

7. I will practice appreciation & gratitude daily and I promise to learn and improve my gratitude dance!!!

So there you are - go forth and apply these 7 keys in all your relationships and see how your life and your world is transformed. "

Remember to go and take a look at Arvind Devalia's blog Make Things Happen: For Yourself and the World. It will inspire your day !!! (Thanks for letting me steal this from you...it is a gem as you are!)